What is it we really desire? Is it the thing that is deep within us that we don't understand? I wonder why I am just as happy on my knees as her on her knees. I have been the dominate person in our relationship before, it seems like she didn't enjoy it as much and I didn't care either way. I find I am to the extreme and I don't know how to be normal, so to speak. I think either way I desire to please her, to make her desire me as I desire her. I really want this thing to work, the marriage and much more the relationship for us to be best friends, lovers and partners. I am not easy to get along with by all means, my nature can be right down mean, so I bury myself into these roles hoping to add excitement. Don't get me wrong there is something deep inside me that draws me to dressing like a girl and acting like one even wondering if I was suppose to be one.

I stay pretty much in the closet on things that don't seem to be normal. I know these little quirks and strong desires can run off the one I love so deeply, I've already done it once. My first marriage ending, we had sex everyday and sometimes more and I usually masturbated on the sly getting off as many as 5 times a day and averaged about 3 times a day.

Back in my single days the ladies didn't mind all the attention and the fact I could screw them until they had had enough or die trying. And if that wasn't enough I'd bury my face in their love nest for hours, I was pretty much adventurous to anything but wanted it to be heterosexual in nature. But on occasion I've been bent over and screwed by my lovers. I've been with more than one girl at a time a both always seem to leave satisfied. I tied them up and have been tied up by them it didn't matter to me. She cold wear my drawers and I've had some initiate my crossdressing without knowing that side of me. I've painted the nails and had mine painted by them. I've shave their pussies and they have shaved my cock. I really don't enjoy giving or receiving pain but have been on both sides of a good spanking and mild tit torture.

In all the things I've done I wanted my partner to orgasm as many times as they wanted. All of them are different some have little orgasm and some have big orgasm and some I wonder if they ever had an orgasm, in their life. I love to get in their head a play out their fantasy verbally while I'm in control and I love the return just as well.

Ever wonder what a good relationship looks like, not a good but a great relationship. I think it would look like this; to people wanting to please the other so much they have to draw straws to see who goes first. Usually one's giving and one receiving but that's really not how it is suppose to be, both should be giving. But some people give better than others and some give in such a way that it is received better. The way we give is usually the way we like to receive, but not always. It also is some kind of mutual respect, if I am submissive by nature my partner has to respect and appreciate that part of me just as I appreciate her natural desire to dominate, if we don't we will quickly become bored with each other.

In a relationship we need something that always holds us together. Let's face it in my case I desire to grow old with her. So how do we stay fresh? It's hard and I'm not talking about my penis. With mutual friends, family and interest helps and I think it's good to have lost of memories , I rather all of them be good but even some bad memories can help. Bad memories can't out weigh the good but they help to remember how we got through, experiences. We need to remember back and know that we are loved.

The desires of my heart is to be hers. Love you my dear.

You are what you wear!

I'm laying here wishing my wife was sitting on my face and cum is dripping from her beautiful pussy. I'm so so horny. She is out of town and I miss her very much. She has been busy lately and hasn't had much time to play. She told me I could play with myself all I wanted while she was gone. No CB6000 she said and I was told to wear the frilliest panties while she is gone. The ruffled panties seem to be showing as I look in the mirror. I sometimes wonder how many people know that I'm such a pathetic submissive sissy. Today I've already cum twice and will most likely cum two more times before I fall asleep. I've had a medium buttplug place in me for a couple of hours today which was as directed. She told me to have it good and loose when she gets home. The last time she had me ready to be taken and teased me for days and never did. I begged just as she told me to, but then said it wasn't good enough. I lick her toes, herfingers, her ass, her pussy, her bellybutton. I was muzzled by her wet panties. I was stroked while in my CB6000 and I thought I was going to break it. I was in pain. She removed it and made me promise that I would be glad to clean up any mess I made. She removed the the CB6000 and shave me completely from chest to toes. Then she humiliated telling me I was a sissy that would obviously do anything I was told. She threatened me by saying she knew this black guy who was hung like a horse that would be more than willing to use the real thing on me. I begged her not do that. I really only want her, to please her in any way she chooses. She masterbates me onto a large rubber dick and has me such it clean. Telling me to moan and tell her how much I want to suck a cock and if I don't she'll stop and put the cage back on.

I love her so much she still has me wrapped around her little finger and that's ok with me. I get hard just thinking about her and i'd be glad to wear anything she puts me in because I am her big pantied sissy husband. Good night my love.

Haven't written anything in a while so here goes. I remember when I was a child around 12 my mothers clothing fit really good. It was the days of hot pants and boots. Lingerie was babydolls and I couldn't wait for everyone to leave the house for long periods of time. By the time I was a teen I could roll my hair, put on make-up and completely dress as a girl. I thought then I looked pretty good, my body was thin and still soft. I never was hairy in fact the girls teased me about shaving my legs I would have but I didn't have to. Pantyhose felt great and I wore them often even out of the house. I painted my nails mainly my toenails since it was more dificult to remove the polish quickly from my finger nails. I remembered being so facinated with girls and everything about them. I loved the agressive girls that were very feminine. I love the girls with curly long hair and their soft but domineering attittudes which demanded to be treated in such a way. I had a some try to put makeup on me and as much as I wanted it I wouldn't let most of them. The teasing from my first real love was so magical that she made me cum in my pants more than once, but we never had intercourse. She was a true princess and I treated her as such. I wanted to tell her everything but she wouldn't have understand. She thought I was a macho athlete, but if she would have only known the truth she would have been disgusted most likely.
Later after I was dumped I started being pursue by a girl 3 years younger just 13 years of age, she looked like a indian princess. Her hair was dark a straight but was only shoulder lenght. She was about 5'4" tall and about 100lbs. She was such a fun and loving girl if she would had only known I was hers. We explored sex except I didn't want her to get pregnant so we didn't have intercourse often, but I sure enjoyed burying my face in that dark soft patch of fur and even farther down the trail. She would often wear her mothers crotchless panties and even slid them on me once we she was in one her many playful moods. After I turn 18 I was afraid to touch her I didn't really want to go to jail. But many times I wasn't strong enough to stop a little oral sex and she was so good. I didn't want to dominate her life and told her she should date people her own age. She moved and her mother didn't want us to see each other since we were getting so close...not a bad idea for a mom.

I started dating a girl closer to my age. She was about 5'7" with a 36C-24-36 and could fill out a pair of jeansas well as anything else. We fell fast and I often would take her to the mall and buy her clothes, shoes and makeup during those times she would tease me and would often let me eat her or give me a hand job or oral sex. She had long light brown hair that had a natural curl with beautiful green eyes. We grew closer and I allowed her to play in my head more than any other girl. We married and had sexual intercourse for the first time on our wedding night and it was well worth the wait. She kept me horny and I opened up to her and we did just about anyting and everything a couple could do. I was often embarassed when my young bride would bend me over the bed and screw my ass while spanking. How humilating laying there made up dressed in female clothing from top to bottom with my skirt flipped up on my back. She usually would blindfold me and tease me about some hunk in the apartment coming in and screwing both of us and making me get hime ready. This never happened but was one of our fatasies. She took pictures of me and threatened to show them and often I would be wearing panties while she wold make commits to tease me while we wold be shoppping or with friends. There was nothing I would not have done at her direction. She dressed me in feminine clothing and would take pictures while making me pose. I took thousands of pictures of her in every imaginable pose, she truly was a sight. My sexual drive was great and I would want to cum 2-3 times daily and would give her oral stimulation as often and as long as she would let me. Many nights while watching movies I never seen any of it because I would be buried for the full show and beg for more. I guess she got bored or found someone else and things got bad and she didn't want to have sex with me and it broke my heart, the rejection. We divorced and I went back to my old ways where sex was plentiful and not meaningful. I became the aggresser and I was quite good at it. The dominant role came as easy as the submissive role if not easier, since thats what people expected. I didn't have any problems getting girls to submit to being tied spreadeagle and takin advantage of every orfice I desired. Iwould instruct them to dress in any way I chose. I had them purchase maid outfits and clean my house taking pictures and threathing to send them to their girlfriends. Or having their girlfrinds over and having 3somes. I think some of them woulod have went for it but I didn't ever try. I did have fun.

I had a few that wanted to turn the tables and we dabbled but I felt like for the most part it was just away to control who I dated and not a true dominate woman. So mostly I controlled them, many of them. Getting blowjobs and sex in public places, fingering them and making them lick my fingers clean, teasing them at the mall while looking for clothes or jewlery. Embarassing them in front of strangers was something some of them enjoyed and I used it effectively. I never paid for a date and life was good and exciting.

Lonely at times

As I sit in the car awaiting the plane to take off my phone rang. It was her and my eyes lit up. She told I was a doll for taking her to the airport and she didn't properly thank me. She told me when she got home the list of chores she left on the bar should be done. She also told me she had a new maid outfit she wanted me to wear while I performed the chores. She reminded me "no playing with my little thing" she was talking loud enough for others to hear and I could hear giggling i the background. I was so embarrassed but excited at the same time. Do you understand she said? I said yes. She said yes what? I said yes mistress. Much better you are such a little doll and I love you. Just when I was going to tell her I loved her too she said bye and click was all I heard.

I sit in the car until the plane I thought was hers took off. When I got home I looked for the new outfit... It was hanging in my bedroom in a big pink bag with a white bow with my name on it. I couldn't wait to see it it was a sissy maid outfit mostly pink with lots of lace and ruffles. It had cuffs, choker, a little hat and a apron all made of satin. I felt pressure in my CB6000 which was left on for the trip. The stockings were white with a pink bow at the heel. The shoes were white Maryjane's with 4" heels and the buckle had a small lock, I didn't see a key so I better not use the lock I thought, but I wanted to.

It was hard not to put on everything but I had some errands to run before I could. So put on some pantyhose and silky top under my jeans and t-shirt and out I went. It shopping was pretty uneventful for awhile. I smile at a few people as we passed and and had small talk with a few others, then I ran straight into one of my wife's good friend. She wouldn't let me pass but actually turned her shopping cart around with me. I always wondered if any of my wife's girlfriends knew of our arrangement. After a few minutes I was pretty sure Dawn did. She touched me on the cheek with along lingering caress down my shoulder and seemed to pause at the strap of my undergarment then down toward my nipple. She told I was so sweet for doing the shopping while my wife was out and made a comment about me doing hers as well. I just smiled not really know what to say. We shopped together until the we were finished. She was scaring me with her little comments about being the wife of the house and being to pretty to be a man, You should have been the wife she said with a teasing smile. Well Dawn was a very sexual woman, she was about 5'4" tall at about 120lbs but her breast were at least good B or maybe a C cup. She always showed ample cleavage. Her look is that of an America Indian, jet black hair and dark eyes, she showed much strength in her personality. She was wearing a tight black top with spaghetti straps and tight jeans and cowgirl boots, she was very hot. Her makeup was done to perfection as usual. She workout all the time and I could see the muscles in her arms.She wore dangling bracelets and earrings 3 on each ear. Her necklace was very masculine but sexy. She looked strong and sexy and she knew.

I headed for the car and unloaded into the trunk and was getting in the car when she called my name. She ask me t help her unload her buggie. So I unloaded her cart into her Red Mustang GT, she wanted it in the back seat and every time I bent over she commented on my butt saying things like it sure made an easy target bent over like that and after the last bag she made good of the comment and gave me a pop. She kind of cornered me after I help her and put those beautiful lips on mine and pinched my nipples. I was in shock and really didn't know what to do, my wife told to always treat her friends with respect but I'm not sure she meant this. I told her that she was beautiful but I'm not sure my wife would approve, she said maybe she should call her and ask if she could borrow me while she was away. Her hands went down to my crotch and finally a look of surprise. She said I guess I'll have to talk with her if I ever have need that, and looked down. She ask me how long it had been on without release. I'm sure I was blood red now and told her a little over a week. She cooed and said poor little baby. So I could take you back to my house and I'd be perfectly safe. I was so hot and thought this had to have been planned. She gave me another hot kiss holding both sides of my head and forcing herself into a grind and me against the car.

She told me after that I had messed up her lipstick and removed a tube from her purse and reapplied hers and then held me by the hair and moved the tube toward me. She said pucker up and of course I did as I was told, yours is messed up too as she applied it to my lips and a little to my cheeks and rubbed it in. She said yours cheeks need a little color too. She told me I had better go now but we would be in touch. One more kiss on the neck and squeeze on the butt cheeks and she turned away and got into her car cranked it up back up and never gave me another look.

I stood there in shock wondering what just happened.

surprise, surprise....

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I should have listened

I should have listened when she told me not to be touching myself. She walked in on me and there I stood rubbing myself. I was hard and already horny just thinking about all that had went on. As she stood there watching me I didn't notice her and I masturbated and came all over my hand and onto the floor. That's when she interrupted just when I reached down to the floor to cleanup my mess. She said you won't need a cloth my tongue will do just fine. When I looked at her I realized she wasn't joking. I went on all 4's and began to lick up my cum from the floor. She told me not to leave any behind that it couldn't be wasted. From now on someone would have to receive it when I cum. After I cleaned the floor I cleaned my hand. She just called me her little sissy cum slut and left the room laughing remarking how much fun her life is becoming.

When all my duties were finished in the kitchen. I heard her calling me. I went into the bedroom and she stood there in a black corset, black stockings, black pumps, her hair was pulled back and her makeup was dark. She was stunning. She motioned to the bed and I got on the bed on my back and she told me to roll over. I did and she attached me to the bed. She open the night stand and got out a blindfold and placed it on me. I heard her getting something else and her entered my rear end easily. It was lubed up and she worked it in me. I don't know how many fingers were in me but I could tell I as being stretched. I began to push toward the pressures. She smacked my butt an told me I had to beg permission to enjoy myself that this is punishment. She withdrew her fingers and replace it with something large and hard. It kept expanding me and then went small. My butt grabbed the object and I realized she had placed a large butt plug in me.

The next thing I knew she tearing my butt cheeks up with an object. She was spanking me and telling me that the next time I was told not to play with myself that I would obey. The spanking was very painful and first I begged for mercy. Then I started pleading and next came the tears and I began to cry, cry like a baby. She talked to me like a little child and I got worst. I don't know how long it lasted but it seemed to last for ever.

She stopped but made me lay there. I heard her fiddling around with something. Then I heard the TV and it sounded like a beating, then I heard my voice. She had recording the whole incident. She took of the blindfold and turned my so I could see the TV. She hit rewind and then play and there I was licking the floor clean. How humiliating, me licking my cum off the floor all the way to getting a butt plug and a beating until I cried.

I wasn't sure where all this was going but we were moving fast.

Cierra's new life

The decision was bitter sweet. I had never been so happy and satisfied. I hadn't been making any decisions over the last week. Mistress decided what I would wear, eat, go, even how I would act. I stayed in a constant state of arousal. I haven't had so much sex since my honeymoon. She was incredible and I didn't know if I could live without her. When she gave me my ultimatum I was hurt. After I beared my soul she would leave me. I told her so, but she told me that after she had experienced the real me she would settle fornothing less. I agreed to her conditions and she was happy and said I should be rewarded for the right decision. She sit back on the couch and removed her panties. She told my reward was just a tongue away and if I could make her orgasm in 10 minutes she would rub me for the same amount. I went to work but it was more like fun. I loved to eat her and usually begged for a longer time. I started using my finger and she said just my tongue. She did have an orgasm but it took 13 minutes she said, so I had to keep licking until she told me to stop. She teased me by telling me that the top of my head never looked so good. She said I had to be the best pussy eater she had ever experienced. The she started calling me a little sissy pussy eater and told me that she didn't know if I'd ever be able to stick my little penis in her again. I was about to explode and she knew it. After about an hour she had 4 orgasm and told me to stop.

She told I did deserve a reward and for me to get down to my panties. She rubbed me through the panties telling me how pretty they were and how good I looked in them. She started telling that I shouldn't even have a cock. It so small she said. That if I had a pussy she would be locking it right now. Or maybe she would screw me like the little sissy I was. She told me to drop my panties and stand up. I did as I was told. She said I have 5 minutes to cum or I wold have to wait. She looked at me and said I'd better get busy, start playing with it sissy and you better make it look sexy. I started masterbating in front of my girlfriend, she took my panties and stuck them in my mouth. Next she picked up a video camera and started videoing me and I was so embarassed and humiliated. She talked me through the whole ordeal. She swatted my butt, my nipples were pinched and twisted, my penis was flipped and slapped. She said time up and I didn't make it. Poor baby she said as sshe pulled the panties out of my mouth and put them on me.

She told me to go fix breakfast, in just my panties. I headed off to the kitchen. She said not to be touching my my clitty.